Redemption Sale

After my inevitable fall

On impact
I was broken
busted
and splattered by it all

A shattered shell
of former glory

My charred ass
now scattered
across mass media

Search parties were dispatched
earning time and a half
scoured my impact crater
for answers to questions
no one was asking

Experts on me
who I had never met previously
proclaimed definitively
what a hot steamy mess was I 

Theologians clad in somber black
decried my complete lack of morality

My story saturated
and dominated
two and a half
news cycles
til a former child star
crashed her sports car
while giving a hand job
to a respected Senator   
old enough to be her father 

This fresh cultural diversion
effectively turned off
my freak show spot light

Happily back
in anonymity
I picked up as
many pieces of me
as I could find

Did my best reassembly
purely from memory

After a week in rehab
(with that former child star
coincidentally) 

I am now reborn

Totally semi rehabilitated 

Wrote a best selling book eventually

Now I'm doing a tell all
gut spilling tour
as I rake in the bucks
sharing my sordid past flaws
with my downtrodden fans 
who now view me
as some sort of warped role model 
and all the while I wonder
while regaling the paying customers
why I did not 
think of this redemption act before?