My once fragile heart
Broken down
and restored repeatedly
over time
My refurbished heart
Now as stone
A wall of indifference
where nothing penetrates
my callous perimeter
Can't be hurt
by misplaced love anymore
I've learned
from all
the crash and burns
that came before
Love is great
for flowery
romantic poetry
but
the majesty
of the long term chemistry
never seems
to work for me
Back in the 40's
while the world
was busy bleeding
Science stealthy got together
and managed
to split the atom
Mega power mushroom clouds
unleashed
onto the unsuspecting global stage
The dawn of the nuclear age
exploded over
desert test sites
Climaxing on that fateful day
over Hiroshima
when the beast was released
with blazing ferocity
At that moment of history
we became an endangered species
When the nuclear clock began
creeping toward apocalypse
Tick Tock .....
As you lay
beneath the covers warm
behind locked doors
in your secure bedroom
I am
your nightmare
who has not yet performed
on the great stage
inside your paranoid head
Cause potential
subconscious doom
is always best served
when slow cooked
in the cauldron of dread
Of course you do know
deep in your soul
I am coming soon
beneath the blood moon
and when I finally strike
you will be
defenseless from me
as I penetrate your dreams
and strip away
what's left of your sanity
I am RESPONSIBLE
for all that I be
Not you
Not my family
Not society
Everything
on my ledger sheet
is totally on me
I take ownership
of all the bullshit
that stains my history
Gonna flush the past away
Reboot fresh today
and proceed
down the path
of accountability
Striding proudly
without the crutches
of alibis and self pity
The casual observer
and innocent bystander
sharing a bottle of transparency
down at Cafe Apathy
Putting their two cents in
the neon jukebox
they blare the latest hit
from the high profile band
Vox Populi
Well dressed media pundits
converge on the scene
to conduct yet another
well choreographed focus group
to tell us what it all means
An evening of cliche laden
conversation they will spend
leading the random sample sheep
to conclusions that meet the desired end
The well coiffed prop messiah
in the tailored suit
will be spoon fed this data eventually
in the spirit of self fulfilling prophesies
Which will validate the legitimacy
of his devoted apostles
who spread the word
of the second coming
to the disinterested patrons
of Club Apocalypse
who are too busy
achieving perfect numbness
to buy in to the consumable product
that passes for modern absolute truth
Don't sabotage my life
with your lame advice
Well intentioned
as your "me upgrade" may be
Let's face it
You are not exactly
an authority
on emotional stability
So I'll take this solitary path
I've blazed through the mud
all the way to it's inevitable end
and maybe there
we will both find
what we need my friend
When does a spark
turn into a raging flame?
A sharp poke
on glowing embers
can easily ignite
when the atmosphere is ripe
as injustice glows hot
inside this toxic tinderbox
where all hope
for better days
has been extinguished
like a halon shower
Where does a spark
turn into a raging flame?
On the desperate streets
of Urban Decay U.S.A.
Your kids
are not perfekt
Neither are you....
Nor were you
so flawless and pure
back in the day
when your folks
were in chastise mode
as you struggled to decipher
the directions for this life out...
Remember that fact
next time you vent
and neglect
letting them know
how much you love
mixed up them
Welcome to
a very exclusive party
A celebration of depravity
Where every indulgence
is satisfied fully
Self righteous purveyors
of pompous hypocrisy
lay on the guilt trip
Preaching incessantly
about the vice of gluttony
Their hidden agenda jealousy
totally wasted on me
Cause the party of me
is and always will be
a salacious solo symphony
Home again
in my old bedroom
alone with teenage memories
Seems like an eternity
since you were
my next door fantasy
The saplings Dad planted
when we were kids
now a forest
blocking my view
of your bedroom window
I use to peek through
those steamy summer nights
when you put on a strip show
exclusively for appreciative me
Looking back I now know
you were well aware of my eyes
worshiping your blossoming form
that I can still see
through the flickering light of memory
I'm not sure you knew
the things I fantasized
about doing to you
Then again
we were probably
sharing the same fantasy
ignited by teasing sexuality
those many years ago
It never stops
Throbbing pain
a constant strain
It never stops
Like a massive tumor
pressing against my brain
It never stops
All the old maladies
cry out for remedy
Life hurts relentlessly
It never stops
